I’m sitting in the Oklahoma City airport right now, and Craig Miner and I have compiled a list of ways to ensure an open seat between you and your travel-buddy while flying Southwest Airlines, which has an open-seating policy:
Crank death-metal in headphones.
Wear an Amway hat.
Eat an obscene amount of White Castle Sliders.
Stare intently with a lazy eye.
Wear a turban.
Read a girlie-magazine.
Wear an inflatable fat suit, to be deflated after take-off.
Fake H1N1. I don’t know how.
Read a Book of Mormon.
Put your bag in the middle and root through it indefinitely.
Pretend to be learning the Ukulele.
Smile a little too much.
Speak German loudly.
Wear an orange jump-suit.
Invite everyone repeatedly to sit by you.
Fake a heated argument on the phone.
Cough something into your hand.
Wear an appliqué sweater (preferably kittens)
